one

How is it that you can look so much like a man and so much like a lost child at the same time? Oh, Zachary, what to do, what to do? There you are standing there with your best friend…it is, isn’t it? If it’s Julie she’s quite lovely, quite different from your offhanded descriptions of her…or, have you brought someone else along, to make me jealous. You know I don’t get jealous Zachary. I suppose I should come up and say hello to you and your friend before you throw a temper tantrum at me for ignoring you.

“Hello Darling.” Husband and lover, both at the same party. I should feel happy to be loved in duplicates. Richard’s is so different than Zachary… "I knew that shade of blue would be your color." You look delicious. I don't say this out loud - there are too many people around. He does. It’s a silk shirt I had picked out for him only yesterday. "He’s handsome," my mom had said even before she knew that we were dating "and so tall, especially for a Chinese boy."

“Let’s call off the party and make out,” says Richard.

“Why bother calling it off? We can sneak off to one of the guestrooms anytime and lock the door.”

“Careful, I might take you up on it.” He kisses me on the cheek, showering me with the smell of Ivory soap. “Soap,” I had said when he had asked me about my favorite smell and that same night he had thrown out all his colognes.

“Okay, you two, cut it out. There are guests in your house.” Richard’s friend Naveen joins us. Knowing that they’ll want to discuss work, I excuse myself. How do I talk to Zachary without Richard noticing? Zachary is so far away; I’ll have to make my way to him slowly. What happened to Julie? He’s dancing with that actress now…what’s her name…

As I walk through the party, I feel as if I’m hovering outside my body because I’m making conversations as I move towards Zachary even though I have no idea what I’m saying. People seem to be smiling and laughing and saying pleasant things back so I guess I’m saying things that sound appropriate.

“Hello gorgeous,” Andrew Chin grabs my wrist and we start dancing. “You owe me a dance from the party at the Cunningham’s house.” I hear my glass bangles tinkling. I love that sound…it reminds me of my childhood in India.

Whoa… what’s going on… oh, it’s Zachary. He’s cutting in.

“You whore,” he says. “Are you sleeping with that bastard?”

“Nice to see you too, Zachary.”

“Careful. Richard could be watching.” I look over to where he’s standing in the mezzanine. Richard’s back is turned away from us and he seems completely engrossed in his conversation with Naveen.